After a request from a confused opponent, local Modern tournament regular, Tim “Always Scam” Thompson clarified which of his armpits he is utilizing as a graveyard, reported sources angry with the perpetuation of the stereotype.
The announcement came after Thompson’s opponent noticed him nonchalantly sliding graveyard bound creatures and spells into the damp recesses of his left armpit. The unconventional choice of zone raised eyebrows and several hygiene concerns among everyone in attendance.
“There’s no rule that explicitly forbids it, as long as I disclose my graveyard’s contents when asked,” Thompson stated, as he tucked a Thoughseize into his moist underarm. “My opponents are welcome to peruse the particulars of my perspired past plays at their pleasure. However, I don’t recall any regulation mandating arm lifting, so they’ll need to delve hard and deep.”
Thompson further clarified that while his left armpit serves as his graveyard, he’s designated his right for exile. Most attendees remained perturbed by the unnecessary clarification and the prospect of Thompson’s cards re-entering play.
“I appreciate knowing which armpit is which,” commented opponent Sally Sunders, “but I can’t help but wonder if there’s a more… hygienic option available. Like, literally anything else. I explained that by casting Feign Death his creature technically goes the graveyard then returns to the battlefield, but by no means does he have slick Ragavan with his pit stank. He did it anyway. Yeah, Scam is a great deck, but between all the exiling he does to evoke Grief and Fury, I’m not sure it’s the archetype he’s enjoying.”
Though most decried Thompson for effectively weaponizing his body odor, he stated that he “…usually plays modern, though I’ll give you one guess as to where I designate my command zone.”