Lorcana Desperately Needs Cinderella’s Glass Slipper (Guest Article by Quentin Tarantino)
Look, okay. I get that you can’t have every Disney character and prop in the first go, okay? But Cinderella…
Return to Eldraine: ‘Wilds’ Narrowly Beat Out Alternate Concept, Waffle House of Eldraine
ELDRAINE — After the success of Magic’s initial visit to the plane of Eldraine, the fabled return was inevitable. Though…
Gurmag Angler Successfully Lures Prey by Flaunting Livable Wage
SWAMP — A pleasantly full Gurmag Angler reported its newfound success in luring delicious prey was due to its promise…
Local Man “Dealt A Bad Hand in Life” Unaware it was a No-Lander After Mulling to Four
CHICAGO, Ill. — James Parish, down on his luck yet again, told reporters he’d hit a new low, chalking it…
Flyer for Local Modern Tournament Completely Illegible
SALEM, Mass. — Flyer for a new local game store, holding a Modern tournament in order to increase awareness, was…
WotC’s Latest Customer Satisfaction Survey Curious if, Hypothetically Speaking, You Might Be Into the Idea of Fucking the Cards
Wizards of the Coast’s latest customer satisfaction survey attempted to ascertain if they’ve been screwing up as of late by…
Should Your Deck Run Regular Basics or Long Basics?
The choice to use regular basic lands or long basic lands is a question more common than “What commander should…
Breaking: Cerealized Cards Become Worthless in Milk
LUBBOCK, Texas — With the introduction of cerealized cards alongside the release of The Brothers’ War, players had the opportunity…
Funko Trading Cards Depicting Magic: The Gathering Cards to Get Secret Lair Treatment, Potentially Causing a Feedback Loop that May Cause The Simulation Running Reality to Crash
In a recent event that may cause reality itself to implode, Funko Trading Cards which depict characters from Magic: The…
Flocks of TikTokers to Begin Silently Pointing and Nodding at Wilds of Eldraine Spoilers
With spoiler season underway for Wilds of Eldraine, the highly anticipated expansion for Magic: The Gathering, TikTok content creators are…