Tifa Lockhart MTG Proxies Causing Widespread Sexual Awakening in LaserJet Printers
An entire generation of HP LaserJets found themselves inexplicably obsessed with the curvature of the female anatomy Wednesday, as Magic:…
What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There
BURLINGTON, V.T. — Magic: The Gathering confirmed that the exile zone, long thought to be a formless, desolate void, is…
Breaking: LGS’s Toilet Working Again
We can shit again.
My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”
Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters….
Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump announced today the appointment of Yawgmoth as Surgeon General of the United States. Yawgmoth,…
Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping
Let’s face it: Magic: The Gathering has all the components of a great American sport—it’s competitive, strategic, expensive, and boasts…
Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate
VATICAN CITY — In what is being hailed as a “modern day miracle,” the Vatican released a statement Wednesday after…
Magic: The Gathering Enthusiast, Sensing Nearby Mate, Sprouts Colorful Plumage of Alpha Basics
PORTLAND, O.R. — Local Magic: The Gathering pro Jeremy Wells reportedly sprouted a vibrant plumage of Alpha basic lands upon…
“Mhm. Okay. Yup.” EDH Newcomer Just Going To Pretend They Understood All That
AUSTIN, TX — During a local Commander night, newcomer Tracy Goldman reportedly spent an entire evening masquerading as an experienced…
So Sweet: MTG Veteran Seen Regurgitating Partially Digested Starter Deck Into Newcomer’s Mouth
BOISE, I.D. — In a heartwarming display of mentorship and community spirit, local Magic: The Gathering veteran Jake Phillips was…