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Tifa Lockhart MTG Proxies Causing Widespread Sexual Awakening in LaserJet Printers

An entire generation of HP LaserJets found themselves inexplicably obsessed with the curvature of the female anatomy Wednesday, as Magic:…

  • Magic: The Gathering

What? No Way. Exile Has a GameCube with Four Controllers in There

BURLINGTON, V.T. — Magic: The Gathering confirmed that the exile zone, long thought to be a formless, desolate void, is…

  • Magic: The Gathering

My Mom’s Foundations Set Review: “Vivien Reid Needs to Put On a Jacket”

Foundations is a new Magic: The Gathering set that brings a host of new cards, stunning artwork, and familiar characters….

  • Magic: The Gathering

Trump Appoints Yawgmoth Surgeon General

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump announced today the appointment of Yawgmoth as Surgeon General of the United States. Yawgmoth,…

  • Magic: The Gathering

Opinion: Competitive Magic: The Gathering Could Become America’s New Favorite Pastime if it Had a Little More Congratulatory Ass Slapping

Let’s face it: Magic: The Gathering has all the components of a great American sport—it’s competitive, strategic, expensive, and boasts…

  • Magic: The Gathering

Vatican Claims ‘Modern Day Miracle’ After Cash for ‘Foundations’ Booster Box Suddenly Materializes for Broke Roommate

VATICAN CITY — In what is being hailed as a “modern day miracle,” the Vatican released a statement Wednesday after…

  • Magic: The Gathering

Magic: The Gathering Enthusiast, Sensing Nearby Mate, Sprouts Colorful Plumage of Alpha Basics

PORTLAND, O.R. — Local Magic: The Gathering pro Jeremy Wells reportedly sprouted a vibrant plumage of Alpha basic lands upon…

  • Magic: The Gathering

So Sweet: MTG Veteran Seen Regurgitating Partially Digested Starter Deck Into Newcomer’s Mouth

BOISE, I.D. — In a heartwarming display of mentorship and community spirit, local Magic: The Gathering veteran Jake Phillips was…

  • Magic: The Gathering

All MTG Mechanics are Kicker? What About The One That Directs Me to Throw a Hysterical Fit?

BALTIMORE, Md. – Local Magic: The Gathering player, Alex Henderson’s recent rant about how every MTG mechanic is just a…

  • Magic: The Gathering

Russian Forces Flee After Gargantuan Carly Mazur Faithless Looting Begins its Advance

DONETSK, Ukraine — Russian forces reportedly fled in terror after Ukraine’s giant Mazur Faithless Looting began its slow advance into…

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We have a bad case of the shirts.


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The Bored Card is unofficial Fan Content permitted under the Fan Content Policy. Not approved/endorsed by Wizards. Portions of the materials used are property of Wizards of the Coast. ©Wizards of the Coast LLC.
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