In a developing story outside of Knight’s Table Gaming & Vapes, 13-year-old Jacob Millner confirmed that his mom will be “just fine waiting in the car” while he and his friends go play their little game.
“She said she brought a book,” Jacob explained while unslinging a deck box that somehow has both Elspeth and barbecue sauce on it. “But I know she’s just in her stupid Facebook groups asking which essential oils ‘block out the 5g’ while chiding Bluey for setting unrealistic parenting expectations.”
Witnesses say Jacob’s mom parked in the fire lane directly in front of the store and is now quietly sipping a Diet Coke and periodically glaring at the storefront.
“I offered to let her come in and watch,” said Jacob, “but she said the Bible won’t let her. Then she did that weird little head-gut-boob-boob motion with her hand. I will never recover. I know she’s going to complain about how I made her wait the next fifteen times she asks me to do something but she’d be doomscrolling the same content at home on the couch either way.”
Inside, the pod is locked in a tense four-player commander game featuring a confused Rakdos deck, a borrowed Simic list, and one deck that’s just 98 Mountains and unshakable confidence.
Back in the car, Jacob’s mom has finalized three passive-aggressive texts about how long its taken, and is reclining while listening to the Namaste-at-Home Mom podcast while resting her eyes, not sleeping.
At press time plus about 30 years in the future, now-parent Jacob Milner was caught yearning over the thought of sitting in a quiet car by himself for a few hours.