In a bold marketing stunt (or actionable OSHA violation) local game shop Flushable Board Wipes has announced an exclusive giveaway for a Final Fantasy collector’s booster box, free of charge, to the first brave soul who dodges 200 consecutive lightning strikes in an open field.
“This is a homage to one of the most iconic, rage-inducing challenges in Final Fantasy X,” said store owner and apparent sadist Trevor Kolb. “We figured if you’re going to spend your life savings on packs of cards, you might as well keep your money since ‘life is a resource.’ At least that’s what one guy said before taking the proverbial three-to-the-face in the first five minutes. He was a burn player too, so I figured he knew better.”
The field in question is a flat, sun-scorched stretch of rural Nevada affectionately dubbed “The Thunderplains (But Real).” It has been equipped with a series of Tesla coils, timed generators, and an emotionally detached intern named Connor Smith who manually logs each attempt.
“I’m surprised to see such a widespread failure to understand how lightning works,” said Smith shaking blackened soot out of a football helmet with a metal rod sticking out of the top. “I didn’t think anyone would show, but Trevor assured me most MTG players haven’t spent enough time outdoors to develop a healthy fear of lightning. I hate it when he’s right about these kinds of things.”
Employees expressed concerns about potentially killing their customers.
“Trevor could have them play a dumbed down version of Blitzball or something. I mean we both know MTG players would play a lot more water sports if it were turn based,” said Samantha Hill, 24. “I suggested an awkward laughing contest which would be both entertaining and danger-level appropriate, but ultimately they went in a ‘different direction.'”
At time of press the contest concluded without a winner, though an unphased Trevor Kolb assured his customers via social media that a new contest would soon be posted that entails “annoying minigames from the OG Gold Saucer”.