Second Dinner has announced a new way to obtain a powerful new Marvel Snap card, available only to players who can demonstrate the ability to correctly fold a fitted sheet.
“Players expect to be rewarded for their time,” said lead designer and laundry elitist Ben Brode. “Instead of having to play an LTGM like it’s a full-time job, we figured we might as well encourage our fans to learn and demonstrate life skills. Originally, we wanted players to demonstrate the ability to admit fault when wrong, but as we at Second Dinner are still learning how that whole thing works, we thought it hypocritical to expect it from our players.”
Meanwhile, r/marvelsnap threads with folding guides, sheet-tier lists, and calls to mom for help.
“People need to look at this for what it really is: HV:O 2.0. They know damn well we can’t fold a fitted sheet. No one can. This is just another example of Second Dinner’s manipulative and predatory practices putting new cards behind an impossible task, just like Kid Omega. After experiencing the intense frustration of fitted-folding, players will start to think those $100 cards don’t look half bad.”
To unlock the card, players must upload a 90-second, uncut video of themselves folding a standard queen-sized fitted sheet into a symmetrical, smug little square. No rolling. No balling it up and screaming. No “fold it in half and walk away” nonsense.
“I tried for two hours,” said Mitch Rollins from inside a jumble of fabric. “I got close but somehow ended up inside the sheet along with my dog. I think we’re just going to live here now. Luckily my phone was in my pocket so I can still play Snap, but my new abode is a constant reminder of my failure. In fact, I kind of just want to pay money for it now. Or at the very least a sherpa to guide me from me from this polyester prison.”
As of press time, Second Dinner began teasing “She-Hulk: Tax Season” which locks the newest cards behind a “correctly-file-a-1099-without-the-aid-of-tax-software” wall.