During a panel discussion about Magic: The Gathering’s color pie, Wizards of the Coast declared that green is a stupid color and should be replaced with something better, like salmon.
“Originally green was going to be chartreuse or a nice mauve,” joked lead designer, Harry Harlow, while throwing salmon-colored confetti into the air. “In 2024 green feels dated. Someone in the office mentioned most MTG players probably haven’t seen any natural shade of green in years so it wouldn’t be much of a loss if we switched up colors.”
The reaction from green players was swift and spirited.
“Salmon? Green is an integral part of the color pie, filling specific roles lacking in the other colors. Sure, we don’t have a whole lot of interaction with other stuff or cards in opponent’s hands, but our creatures are unmatched in terms of their generic predictability. What would salmon do that green can’t?”
The announcement spurred a wave of conjecture on every possible social media platform.
“Salmon may seem uninspired, but just wait. If you think black’s spells are brutal, they’re going to pale in comparison. Many people see that particular shade of pink and associate it with purses and dude’s dress shirts, but salmon is the only color I know of that’s named after the color of the inside of an animal. It’s kind of fucked if you think about it. ‘That fish ain’t that color! It is if you cut it open.’ Imaging having a shade of red named after the color of your dog’s intestines or something. The color salmon is fucking twisted.”
Wizards closed the press conference by saying that the inclusion of salmon will give players a fresh perspective on the three-decade-old trading card game while reminding players that it’s a whole new commander identity to explore since “EDH is the only thing anyone actually gives a shit about anymore.”